Pinocchio had Jiminy, Cinderella had her godmother and Batman had Robin. With these trusty sidekicks by their side, each one of these infamous characters where successful in their endeavors. I, unfortunately, had nothing and no one to aid me in the task of making a smooth transition into college. But you, lucky readers, have me, and I’ll give you quick tips on how to jump start a good semester. 

Disclaimer: Large amounts of sarcasm will follow. The next 500 plus words should not be taken seriously. 

Party, endlessly. There are never more parties than at the beginning of the semester. Everyone wants to party together and as loudly as possible. Get caught up in the endless line of back-to-school social bashes; don’t stop there, party throughout the whole semester, this is college. If you miss a class or two or seven, its no big deal, what does a socialite need with a high grade point average?

Procrastinate. Starting early is for wimps. Just because professors lay out the semester assignments for you on the first day of class, does not mean you should get a head start on them. At the beginning of the semester, you have more than enough time to waste. 

Take Jessica Clark, a computer science junior and her online Spanish class for example. 

“My professor opened all the assignments online and said they were all due on the last day of class,” said Clark. She waited until about two weeks before finals to start everything. The excitement of cramming a semester of assignments into 14 days made Jessica so happy that she didn’t even finish all of her assignments. 

I hoped you skipped the first day of class. Skipping class in general is a beautiful art form, and it takes time to perfect it. Middle and high school students wait years, decades even, for this privilege. Skipping the first day, however, is euphoria. 

The professors never talk about anything anyway; it’s syllabus day. Unless you took freshmen Mark Tippen’s history professor last semester; then, you and he missed the 100 point, one question bonus quiz administered on the first day. 

No matter, read the syllabus and find something better to do for 75 minutes. 

Don’t get your textbooks early. Hello, you go to Southeastern now. We rent our textbooks, so it is not as if they can sellout; although, Textbook Rental can simply run out of a particular book. Hundreds of students taking the same class and needing the same book; the chances of Textbook Rental running out are very slim. 

I can only think of one occasion when that happened. When I say one occasion, I mean three occasions to one person: me. I ended up studying from pictures of someone else’s book, but that’s not that bad. 

Fully depend on your academic advisor. The start of a new semester usually begins in the middle of an old one, with a cluster of emails from academic advisors reminding you to “come in and get advised.” So, drag yourself into the office and let your advisor do all the work. Worry not with looking at your course curriculum sheet, that is your advisor’s job, and they aren’t human and never make mistakes, so you should be fine. Just don’t look them directly in the eye. 

With these tips, every semester should run as smooth as butter for you. When I say “with these tips,” I mean the opposite of them, the exact opposite.

Partying is fun, but keep it to a minimum, even at the beginning of the semester. The middle of the semester is a snake in the grass that creeps up as quietly as air, so don’t procrastinate. Syllabus day will, in some classes, be the easiest of them all, so don’t skip it and you should never wait until the last minute to get books.  Lastly, advisors are there to help you, not do it for you, so always look at your required classes before your advising appointments because four eyes are better than two. Now, you are ready for a breezy semester.