There is no respect in the ‘friend zone’
Published: Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Updated: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 11:03
Let’s have a real talk about “the friend zone.” If you’ve never heard of the term before, don’t worry; I’m here to talk all about how it’s bred one of the worst ideologies that our youth popularly commit to today.
For those unfamiliar with “the friend zone,” let me put it in a simple scenario. John and Jane are friends, but John wants to be more than friends. However, Jane doesn’t like John romantically, so she rejects his advances. John goes to his friends and complains about how terrible Jane is and that she has cast him into “the friend zone.”
The problem with “the friend zone” is how it is shaming the person rejecting the romantic advances. How dare a person decide not to like someone else and have bodily autonomy. John is such a great guy! Except for the fact that John apparently doesn’t value his and Jane’s friendship unless he was getting something more out of it. That actually makes John a jerk.
But John gave Jane gifts and he’s so nice to Jane, so why doesn’t she like him?
Jane isn’t obligated to love John. She’s not forcing him to give her anything. Obviously, his niceness is only a facade to get something more out of their friendship since his first reaction to being rejected is to complain about her, more often than not, in extremely derogatory and colorful language. The “why” she doesn’t like him, or why your own romantic interest doesn’t like you does not matter. Instead, what matters is that person’s decision is respected.
Respect is the key word here because respect is a defining trait of a great relationship. If someone like John wants to lambaste a person like Jane for “friend zoning,” then that person obviously does not respect their opinions, feelings or integrity. It also shows how people like John have affections that only run skin deep and how people like Jane are much better off without them.
Rejection sucks. It hurts, but turning your disappointment into anger and rage at that person and shaming them is not the way to channel your feelings. Instead, move on. Not every person is going to return your feelings, and it’s just a part of growing up and accepting what life has to offer. Don’t wallow in a romantic relationship that never started.
It may feel like getting kicked off the back of the horse and hitting the hard dirt when being rejected, but remember that you can always get back up again to meet someone new and try again. That rejection is in the past. Look to the future, and leave the negative ideology of “the friend zone” behind you.